It's early. Too early for a Saturday when you don't have work. Too early for a Saturday when you've been up frequently in the night seeing to your precious children. God, I love them both dearly but I so wish they'd learn to sleep...And definitely too early when you've spent all week sniffing and aching and coughing and spluttering with a silly cold that just won't quit.
So what am I doing? Pulling on my trainers. Still wiping the sleep out of my eyes as I reach for my car keys, I have decided that today I must run. There's a park run at the local lakes. A timed 5k. It's the last thing I feel like doing but I must. I haven't trained all week and I know that I have a 10k race to run next weekend. So today I must run. Must.
You see, I made a promise last year. When my daughter was ill. When I didn't know what the future held, or whether I'd get through it. I promised that once it was over, once it was a part of our past, I'd repay all the charities that stepped forward to help.
I've liked to kid myself in the past. 'I do my bit', I'd think to myself. No- You did not. You plodded through life, in a bubble, feeling sympathy but not empathy. I couldn't put myself in the shoes of others. 'I'll donate', I would say. I will. When money's better. When I'm not so busy. I'd watch reports and adverts for charities and feel the lump in my throat but never reach for my phone, or wallet for that matter. Was I a bad person? No. At least I don't like to think I was...
When you find yourself suddenly on your knees, in the worst place you've even been, it is just amazing how many people want to help. Want you to know you are not alone... and suddenly the world isn't the horrid hell that you thought it was just moments before. Charities I had never heard of, stepped forward. Offered money, support, presents for our daughter. Little snatches of normality- what I craved the most in that time. The world isn't a bad place anymore. Yes, the worst thing in the world might be happening but the world and a huge amount of the people in it are good.
I focused forward. Planned ahead. I will give back, give back so much and more. I won't be that person anymore. The one who let everything pass by because 'there's always tomorrow.' I had a wake up call. Tomorrow isn't promised, to anyone. How scary and yet strangely liberating. Tomorrow isn't promised... You have to live for now. For today. All those things I used to say 'one day' about are becoming today's challenge.
And now to this one. Running. I am not a runner. Never have been. But I've always wanted to. I've wanted to take part in a race. To earn that medal. To push my body to it's limits. And so I decided that now is the time. An opportunity presented itself. I set myself a challenge. To run not one but ten races. To work towards a half marathon. To raise funds for those who helped us the most when we were at our worst. Raising funds for those who never asked for anything in return but did so because they care, because they're good people. Better people than I ever was.
I'm huffing around the lakes. The battery on my ipod has died. I have to suppress a cough because if I start I may not stop. I want to quit. I want to walk. I push on, faster, stronger. I think of my daughter. I think of how strong she had to be and I remembered my challenge. What I had set out to achieve. I push on, keeping up with those ahead. I am panting, my heart beating, beating so hard I feel every pulse. The finish line is ahead. I push on. Force my legs to move, to stride. And then it's done. The fastest 5k I've ever run. I am elated. I have won the mental battle today. A victory. A signal to myself. I can do this.
I walk back to the car, sniffling, coughing and spluttering. Drenched and caked in mud. I can feel the morning chill in the air that seems to say 'it's too early.' I smile. Rather too early than too late.
To donate to my fundraising efforts for children's cancer charity, Momentum, please visit http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/TerriCreaser
So what am I doing? Pulling on my trainers. Still wiping the sleep out of my eyes as I reach for my car keys, I have decided that today I must run. There's a park run at the local lakes. A timed 5k. It's the last thing I feel like doing but I must. I haven't trained all week and I know that I have a 10k race to run next weekend. So today I must run. Must.
You see, I made a promise last year. When my daughter was ill. When I didn't know what the future held, or whether I'd get through it. I promised that once it was over, once it was a part of our past, I'd repay all the charities that stepped forward to help.
I've liked to kid myself in the past. 'I do my bit', I'd think to myself. No- You did not. You plodded through life, in a bubble, feeling sympathy but not empathy. I couldn't put myself in the shoes of others. 'I'll donate', I would say. I will. When money's better. When I'm not so busy. I'd watch reports and adverts for charities and feel the lump in my throat but never reach for my phone, or wallet for that matter. Was I a bad person? No. At least I don't like to think I was...
When you find yourself suddenly on your knees, in the worst place you've even been, it is just amazing how many people want to help. Want you to know you are not alone... and suddenly the world isn't the horrid hell that you thought it was just moments before. Charities I had never heard of, stepped forward. Offered money, support, presents for our daughter. Little snatches of normality- what I craved the most in that time. The world isn't a bad place anymore. Yes, the worst thing in the world might be happening but the world and a huge amount of the people in it are good.
I focused forward. Planned ahead. I will give back, give back so much and more. I won't be that person anymore. The one who let everything pass by because 'there's always tomorrow.' I had a wake up call. Tomorrow isn't promised, to anyone. How scary and yet strangely liberating. Tomorrow isn't promised... You have to live for now. For today. All those things I used to say 'one day' about are becoming today's challenge.
And now to this one. Running. I am not a runner. Never have been. But I've always wanted to. I've wanted to take part in a race. To earn that medal. To push my body to it's limits. And so I decided that now is the time. An opportunity presented itself. I set myself a challenge. To run not one but ten races. To work towards a half marathon. To raise funds for those who helped us the most when we were at our worst. Raising funds for those who never asked for anything in return but did so because they care, because they're good people. Better people than I ever was.
I'm huffing around the lakes. The battery on my ipod has died. I have to suppress a cough because if I start I may not stop. I want to quit. I want to walk. I push on, faster, stronger. I think of my daughter. I think of how strong she had to be and I remembered my challenge. What I had set out to achieve. I push on, keeping up with those ahead. I am panting, my heart beating, beating so hard I feel every pulse. The finish line is ahead. I push on. Force my legs to move, to stride. And then it's done. The fastest 5k I've ever run. I am elated. I have won the mental battle today. A victory. A signal to myself. I can do this.
I walk back to the car, sniffling, coughing and spluttering. Drenched and caked in mud. I can feel the morning chill in the air that seems to say 'it's too early.' I smile. Rather too early than too late.
To donate to my fundraising efforts for children's cancer charity, Momentum, please visit http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/TerriCreaser
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