Got to Run Mum

I was asked if I could write a blog post full of financial tips for those who are taking those first terrifying steps of the cancer journey. They clearly looked at my two overdrafts, recent spout of homelessness and my woefully underpaid self employed position and thought, ‘here’s the girl we need in times of financial crisis!’ If you have come to this blog because you are taking those first steps, I am truly sorry that you are joining this sucky club. It’s not one that any parent ever wants to be part of. I assure you, you will find the strength to get through this. It will somehow reveal courage you never knew you had and show you that children are truly warriors who face adversity with such bravery that your love for them will elevate to levels you never believed possible.  When you are told your child has cancer, the last thing on your mind will be money. But it’s incredible how much your finances will take a knock. From hospital car parking fees, to takeawa...

Well, hello there... I have long declared myself ‘missing in action’. Life has been hurtling by at tremendous speed and I’ve found myself spread thin, wondering what deal I could possibly do to gain more hours in the day. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to recall the password to log back into my blog page. If you’re reading this, then ‘go me!’ I’ve succeeded in getting in! So, why pick this up now?  I’m still running but my running has been sporadic at best. Since the hell that was Brighton (sorry Brighton, it’s not you, it’s me...) I’ve seen my joy for running coming and going in waves. Bursts of it being the brilliant, empowering tool that has brought me to new PB’s and then lulls whilst being relegated to the injury bench... I’m currently recovering from one stubborn shin injury just as others are nearing the end of successful marathon training cycles, churning out jubilant, and well-deserved, medal bling pics. Yes, the green-eyed monster is currently thrashing out this ra...

What I've always loved about running is the ease of it. No, not the actual run itself, but that you can just pull on your trainers and off you go. No fee to pay, no monthly bill to sting you! In the past I've paid for gym memberships that I've never used... or paid for and then sat in the steam room after a five minute walk on the treadmill! Up until the point my husband had to leave his nicely paid job,  I'd been enjoying the luxury of a Virgin Active Membership. Oh, how life has changed! Walking into that Virgin Active with copies of our bank statements and proof of our impending homelessness to get out of the pricey contract has got to be up there in my top three most humiliating moments... But with my discovery of the joy of running came the discovery of an affordable sport, non reliant on my bank balance. Running in a recent race, I found myself tuning into conversations around me... "Oh, I was a mortgage advisor for some time..." "We got back fro...

Drumroll please... I have been shortlisted for the Women's Running Magazine Big Marathon Challenge team. I am pretty stunned to say the least. If I make the final three then I'll be on my way to competing in the Manchester Marathon, receiving top notch training and full kit courtesy of Asics. I'm in amazing company, the women are all pretty inspirational and each have their own reasons for wanting to run as part of the team. So, what's mine? I have tackled two marathons but feel I succumbed to the dreaded wall in each one. That little devil on my shoulder won each time and to finish the thing I had to switch to a walk/run strategy. Physically, I know each time I could have run the whole thing. But that little voice, that seed of doubt in my head took over. I know I can do it. I know I can finish a marathon, running the whole way... I also know there is no shame in using a run/ walk strategy, many runners do it and it's still a huge achievement to complete a mara...

As I sit writing this, I am currently resting my poor hamstrings on an ice pack and contemplating how long it will take me to remove myself from the sofa and get up the stairs. Stairs and marathons… OUCH! After the knee issues that prevented me from training properly for last year’s marathon, I was determined to tackle this one and smash it. And most of my training went really well. I entered my taper weeks feeling confident and strong. Then the hamstring… A nice easy 8 miles. I felt a niggle at 6 miles. I stretched my leg and carried on. Eek. Suddenly, I couldn’t run. I limped home, despairing that my dreams of a second, more successful marathon experience were scuppered. Physio confirmed that I’d need to rest until the marathon day if I’d stand a chance of running the thing. That was a blow to my mental state. I felt in panic mode for the rest of the taper, fearing that my fitness would be lost by the big day. I decided to forget about finish times and concentrate on enjoy...

I go into 2016 with mixed feelings. The beginning of a new year usually comes with promises to improve, to better oneself, to let go of the things that held us back before. The thing is, I am pretty ok with me. I began a journey when my daughter received her cancer diagnosis. A journey towards being a better person. Seeing the positive. And life got better- she got better for starters. I launched a business that I love and put my heart and soul (and a lot of money) into it. I set myself challenges I only dreamt of before. Took up running, entered a lot of races and raised a lot of money for charity. All ticks in my book of living a better life. Only, not everyone came on that journey with me. I shrugged off negativity and with that failed to spot the warning signs that were screaming out to me. That my husband, the other half of me, was hurting, was somehow damaged. Couldn't just 'fix' himself. And he sank further and further into his own hell, with me smiling beside him. ...

I have been marvelling at my bruises all week! A sign of the effort that I put into what was up there with the best days of my life. If I am honest the Spartan Sprint filled me with dread. I'd seen youtube videos. The participants look fit, ridiculously fit. I still see myself as being a pretender to the running scene, having not quite shifted the couch potato tag in my mind. Somehow I'd roped my sister-in-law to join in too! Both doing our bit to raise funds for a wonderful charity. It wasn't a great start to the day when I managed to read the sat nav wrong a whopping four times. I hate running late. I am always early. Always. I needn't have worried. We got there in plenty of time. Our wave time beckoned. There was an obstacle to get into the holding pen. Now I was worried. "We are Spartans!" Chanted the crowd of ridiculously fit types. It was hard not to get swept up into the atmosphere, even if the mud at my feet was making me a little anxious. Ha! If...

I feel I have neglected this blog in recent months. That's not to say that my challenge has been abandoned. Oh no. My pile of medals is steadily growing and the donations are slowly rising. I have a long way to go to reach my fundraising target but I will get there. Somehow. So, why the absence? Well, for a while it was struggling to impress you with my words. Clutching at ways to make my blog stand out... and in lots of ways, life has stumbled in my path. Negative thoughts have crept in... Amidst training for races, taking part in races and pushing for donations, I've been busy trying to get a little theatre company going (and panicking about the hit to my finances that comes with launching a new business), busy with two children who demand a lot of attention from Mummy (clingy toddler anyone?) and busy supporting my husband at a particularly low time. (We will be leaving our home in just a few months, for where? I honestly do not know...) Stress has taken over....

Let’s start at the beginning, a very good place to start… actually to really go back, to relive it, to go back over each thought, each process, each heart-breaking moment; I want to go back to a day just a few days before the start. I was sat on our sofa, feet up, chocolates in hand, relishing this stage of pregnancy. Embracing the eating for two, counting down to our first scan. Wishing away the time. It was a week before Christmas, the best Christmas we were going to have. Our daughter was nearly two, we knew she’d love all the presents and we had planned plenty of Christmas activities to make it extra special. We’d planned a big Christmas party for our friends and family. It was just going to be perfect. The perfect Christmas and then the perfect start to what would be a perfect year. The year we would meet our second child. If only our daughter could shake off this really annoying tummy bug. It had been a couple of weeks now. Of seeming fine but then throwing up. She’d be happily...